#breakingupwithruss
You’ve implied it. You’ve asked for it. You’ve begged us to do it. Now, it’s all here in one small video package. Brett and Russ (FINALLY) go on a date.
Our interview with Richard Nash, who saves publishing in his sleep. Put us all together in a room, and it’s a WHOA Fest! #publishingismothafuckingsaved.
In case you missed this gem of a video, here it is in all its glory: PAULA FUCKING DEEN (Russ’ mother, grandmother AND aunt) HIT IN THE FACE WITH A FUCKING FLYING HAM! Yes, a ham. Flew. Through. The. Air. And. Connected. With. Paula. Fucking. “I Fry Butter.” Deen’s. FACE! Yes.
“Hey, y’aaalllllllllllllll, it was a travesty, y’aaaalllllll. I didn’t know they were throwing the hamms. So, I took that ham, smothered it in butter, y’alaalaaalllll. Then, I fried it. Then, I ground it up and mixed it with butter to make a ham salad, y’alallallalalalalalalalallllllllllll. Then, I took the ham salad, rolled it into balls, and fried those, y’aalalllll.”
I shit you not. This is what she said about the flying ham. I swearz.
So, PAULA FUCKING DEEN, CALL US! WE WANT TO TALK TO YAS ABOUT BOOKS AND FLYING FUCKING HAMS!
Lick My Crit: On Modern Romance
Every generation, there is but one great work that not only redefines literature and the artistic endeavor, but also changes how we as humans perceive and relate to the world that surrounds us. The landscape has not changed, nor has the model upon which the human heart is based-and, as such, this, for our time and times after, remains Lauren Conrad’s seminal touchstone LA Candy.
This LICK MY CRIT, however, is about a work discussing triumph over adversity through a story of one young girl alone against the world-a young girl very, very much like the aforementioned Ms. Conrad, or perhaps even like a young girl we all know-nay, this young girl is THE young girl, the platonic form of female adolescence made transcendent.
Hooker Halloween
What’s scarier than a social disease, or waking up to see Madonna circa 2009 naked eating toffee-covered popcorn in your bed? Well that’s a trick question since those are both the same thing, but at QBAH2.com we know that the scariest thing in the world is….publishing. Did you hear the story about the 8 FIGURE UNRECOUPABLE ADVANCE FOR A CELEB METH MEMOIR?
SPOOKY!
To get you in the creepy spirit as Halloween approaches, the master”minds” behind Quit Being A Hooker, Hooker want to list a few of our scariest books of all time.
Hooker Halloween Part 1: Russ’s Scary Books List
Dan Brownses, The Da Vinci Code
It is impossible to believe that a book this poorly written was ever published, much less consumed by the masses. Impossible? MORE LIKE FRIGHTENING AS HELL.
Stuart Woods-entire body of work
Look at this guy. LOOK AT HIM. He is fucking frightening, eats the blood of babies, lives clothed in bunny skin and continues to produce books with titles like Shoot Him If He Runs in which he writes nasty-ass sex scenes that read like your Grandmother was doing a performance of Penthouse letters. Plus, he’s a zombie. A fat, fat zombie.
Paula Deen, It Ain’t All About The Cookin’
“…And if you listen closely on a quiet, dark night, near midnight, just like tonight and just like now, you can still hear the sounds of the arteries in little redneck children clogging from butter. Shhh….”
Stuff White People Like, I Can Has Cheezburger, This Is Why You’re Fat
“Mommy, tell me the scary story again!”
“Well, ok, hunny. Are you sure? It kept you up all night last night-remember? Mommy had to leave the light on?”
“I wanna! I wanna!”
“Well…Ok. ‘Once upon a time, despite a massive economic downturn and job layoffs left and right, the publishing industry threw billions of dollars at every fucking blog they saw in an effort to buy them off to make…book versions of their blogs! “
“MOMMY STOP THAT’S SO SCARY!”
More publishing-world freaks and frights to come.
QBAH2’s Best Books of 2009, Part 1
Quit Being A Hooker, Hooker’s literary snob Russ Marshalek is pressed to, on the spot (and against the wishes of the creative director) discuss his favorite read of 2009 thus far.
Hookers and Hookettes: what was YOUR favorite book of 2009? Email us at hooker @ qbah2 dot com, and maybe we’ll interview YOU!
Russ from QBAH2 explains the mission statement of Quit Being A Hooker, Hooker. Or the purpose. Or something. Uh…hookers need to learn the meaning of “cut off”.
